ये उन दिनों की बात है..

ये उन दिनों की बात है,

जब आँखों से होती थी बातें |

वो शर्माती थी और बावरा मन था मचलता,

क्लास में पढ़ते कम थे और मुस्कुराते ज्यादा |

दिवाली की छुट्टियाँ आईं,

साथ में तन्हाईयाँ लाईं |

अच्छाई से बुराई हारी, 

पर मेरी किस्मत हुई धराशाई |

जो छुट्टियाँ ख़त्म हुई, 

चेहरे पर मुस्कान आई |

अरसों बाद उन्हें देखने का मौका था जो मिला,

क्लास पहुंचा तो उन्ही शर्माती हुई आँखों को पाया |

कुछ कह न सका बस देखता रहा,

शब्दों का इस्तमाल बेमानी जो था |

जो गौर किया तो यह मालूम पड़ा,

उन्होंने भी रात भर तारों  को गिना |

ये उन दिनों की बात है,

जब आँखों से होती थी बातें |

A page from the known yet destined to be unknown.

Continuing with the monologues series here is the next chapter.
In a dark corner of some coffee shop where retro music is being played in the sound system, no not Bryan Adams but Cheri Cheri Lady by Modern Talking.
@KueKaMendhak* Scribbling in his notepad some Integral Calculus problem

Newton did Integration first then Differentiation, now how is that possible. Mere thought of this gives me acidity, the feeling of being Mathematically Inadequate, that and the coffee that I sipped sometime back. I always use this coffee shop out of all the places in the world to study because it gives me the sounds of world which help me to numb my brain and study (contrary to my parents belief noise helps in concentrating). Every once in a while it also gives me those funny fights in between couples which spice up my life. The only form of entertainment I can afford this year. This being year of my Twelfth Boards. Let's not add onto my acidity. I am just an average bloke of a small town in average India where my parents like every other parents want me to give IIT-JEE, AIEEE and get into an NIT at least(When I see their 'High Hopes' I want to know what they are smoking and wish I could smoke some of that). As for me I have no career options, no wants, hell I am pissing in my pants thinking about all the competitive exams. Especially now that my school life is going to end since I don't know what's good for me, or what I am capable of. So I've filled every form available to me, NLAT, Xavier's (You didn't know? Media is the 'in' thing). I've done this basically as you never know when you luckily get into a decent institution and twenty years ahead, you are giving snarling sermons to someone as lost as you. Needless to say how you would mention, "I found my calling and how my love for John Grisham's novel never made me realize, that a lawyer is what I wanted to be. But looking back that was the only Natural Progression," or how, "My passion for Cinema and love for DDLJ(Yes I like soft romantic films which make no sense, as I am very cheap) made you a 'Cine Artiste.' Worse would be citing Barkha Dutt as your role model for being a journalist.

I don't know where will I land or what I'll do. Neither am I one of those anthem giving guitarists or the bass playing folks having an innate affection for being underrated who makes the world move like a 'Free Bird' or 'Like a Rolling Stone.' Neither am I one of those highly sophisticated individuals who have been devouring Homer, Faust, Dante nor the literature laureate who quotes Byron, Keats, Blake or be as Poetic as Poe. Hell for me literature and fiction are synonyms. I do follow a Football Club, CFC and would be absolutely shameless to confess that I started following them, only after they started winning. Neither can I boast about a club whose history is longer than the stretch of my family's pedigree. Whose name my father hadn't heard or rather read in this case till he subscribed to Times of India in the early nineties. The truth is money buy Title's, Rooney's, Villa's, World Cup spot's and the UCL's in footballing world. I have absolutely no concept of conscience or morals; in fact on many occasions I have sipped Scotch from my Dad's stock (if you haven't. I hope you continue to remain the Saint you are, you never ever sip alcohol and that you Die in Desolation) Scotch from my Dad's stock and enjoyed it thoroughly. I've spread rumours about girls and done so just to make them suffer and smirked on them being passed around with a validity that would put forensics sciences to shame. Oh yes I am a sexist, it's better than being the super cute guy who calls his girl 'Saali Randi'# in that moment of anger or extreme intoxication(read Talli) and proclaiming love for the same ..... in the morning. I hate cricket especially the gung-ho IPL and prefer Test Cricket for its Insipid nature. I am an ardent fan of 'NAUGHTY AMERICA' and if there is any God for me that would be the Director, Producer, Script Writer of Naughty America, them and the seeders spread across the globe(which I've noticed are majorly Asians, I am not zeroing in on Country as it slightly hurts my National Pride but majorly depresses me reflecting the sad state of the nation which gave the world 'The Handbook to Have Good Sex,' see in my dishonesty lies the truth.) the seeders who share and know my pain.  As you now know that I don't believe in God, hence you wouldn't find a girl in my vicinity or that is what I have assumed happily. All I know is that I am really average and hence will try for B. Com. B. Sc of some state university. As I don't want to be politely said 'NO', by some Software Sweatshop, which would rather feel like a kick on the bum. Then prepare for CAT waiting for second kick in scrotum by the same folks who took away IIT, NIT will now take IIM away from me. I am looking forward to the next chapter in my life, college life away from my home town and indulge in all of Devil's Work. I really want a break from my parents Watchdog affection and care. I hate more, speak less and intermingle even less. I am of the thinking very similar to that of Hugh Jackman in 'A Few Good Men.' Believing totally in the fact that some of us don't really have any right to live since we lack the guts to sacrifice things for the cost of freedom and then judgemental about the means. If I had chance I would have killed that sob that the world calls the protagonist of that movie, what's his name anyway?
For years I had hoped of becoming an Engineer, growing up only to realize that Innocence is a classy word for Mentally Ill Equipped. My aim in life now is one which you already know. That is to pass this God Forsaken Boards and get into a college which is at least five hundred kms. away from my home town. One which boasts of Mall Culture where I can watch movies, get drunk in fancy bars and throw out equating the intake and out throw of my body. Shit there goes my half hour with absolutely no relation to my integration problem. Now that I don't want to be late for my home and definitely don't want the anti liquor tobacco speech of my parents I must rush. I must also quit this habit of scribbling shit which doesn't make any sense.


*@KueKaMendhak is my twitter handle and the only Identity which one needs in today's world, so quoting Shakespeare. "What's in the name?" (The only one, I know apparently.)

**KueKaMendhak roughly translates into hermit; for my fellow Indians who have forgotten Hindi.

#'Saali Randi' is 'That Whore' in English, for English remembering folks.

Love goes on anyway...

It is that part of the year, where life wins again and brings with it a hue of smile and cheer. It's raining my love... the monsoons have made their presence felt. I am sitting on our bench in our park and as I am looking towards you. Gentle raindrops keep falling on my face and weirdly it feels like your cold nose touching me while kissing. As I close my eyes and smell rain, I can listen you telling me, "how the smell of rain is God's way of showering the nectar of divinity. So us mortals can feel invincible." I so loathe your usage of superfluous words....
As you may have already noticed Jethro isn't with me... This has been our personal moment and I intend to keep it that way. How's Jethro?? He is every bit of MAD dog as you remember. He is good and has matured a lot in the past few months no I'm not kidding. He still has his moment of madness though, few days back only when I woke up I found our bed was completely covered by pillow feather, and what was left of that pillow was being chewed by Jethro.
I was so furious at him that I rolled a paper and rushed to him watching which he ran to dinning table and ducked under it..... I thought I heard you saying "Don't hit him." I saw his eyes ..... you remember how innocent can they be... watching 'em, I threw the paper. He gently rested his head on my feet... you know I couldn't help myself. I picked him up and we cried. Poor Kid is alone all the time and I cannot do anything, I can't even take him to my office. You know he misses you a lot, almost daily I catch him sitting beneath your photo looking at you. Don't worry about him honey, I take good care of him and he really has matured and you can take my words for that. Maybe his annoying you and his growing up is just his way to show you that he misses you.
Ma called today she feels I should leave this city as it only reminds me of you ... I told her I need time. She is now assured that I'm eating and sleeping healthily after her last visit. On the other hand your Mom is getting impossible she calls daily and keeps an eye on me like watch dog... she feels I will Kill Myself!!!!


Don't they see I am doing all that I can do! Tell me honestly am I not trying? Can't they see I just miss you too much and I want to mourn, you not being here? I lost my wife damn it. Neither was I there to hold you nor I did  I say a thing to you, you were just taken away from me. Not that it would have made a difference, but I couldn't even look at you once......
Looking back I want to do so many things, I should've taken you on a vacation, should've taken you out on a movie every weekend rather than watching football and explaining it to you. I should've kids with you which you wanted but never asked me. Now I feel we could have squeezed our expenses and could easily manage to have kids. But nothing can be done now..... Our home looks so empty everything is just the same except the one who made it home isn't there any more...
Worst are these recurring thoughts what if I had went shopping with you like everyday or why I didn't go with you. Why was I so busy, why you couldn't wait for me? Why was that car coming so fast... all my questions have only one answer. That answer which fails to console me.. Maybe it was your time.... it's so easy to say that but so difficult to live with it....
I am going kids are coming to play and all they remind me is of you and our kids. One which we never had, one with whom you could play with, one you could love. I guess it will be sometime before I can be normal in front of a kid. The other day that cute kid with whom you played a lot asked me why aren't you coming any more... I told him you are away. Maybe it still hasn't sunk in that you are gone or maybe I cannot tell the world that I'm left alone now........................ Jethro is alone I must go home........................... Tell me something will I ever be normal again, will I ever be able to laugh? Will I ever be able to....... You know what's the worst part unlike the times you used to go away before , I know this time you won't come back.

Dil de ke dekho

Watch!!

Watch from 1:30-1:57
poocho poocho poocho parwane se zara? dhhere dheere  jalne mein kaisa hai maza!!
Tyum bhi dil de ke  jal jaana sikho ji.


Love will be never expressed the the grandiosity of simplicity with such perfection.
Hats off to Majrooh Sulatnpuri!

Life....

High hopes never lead you anywhere, so you as well might try coming back to life. 

Women's Day. [Hindi]

गाँव के बहार उस अकेले मोड़ के अकेले घर में वो रहती थी,
 रात भर जो वो खुद को हवस को परोसती थी|
सुबह होने पे अपने बच्चों का पेट भरती थी!

Women's Day.

In the cottage outside the village she lived,
At night she sold herself to others pity.
In day's bright sunlight,
She pampered and loved her baby.

I walk across the town

I walk across the town,
To find that perfect gown.


I am meeting you tonight,
The thought of it gives me fright.


Things with you seem so right,
Have to use my shades it feels so bright.



Will you tell me that you love me,
Compliment that I look like fairy.


I walked across the town,
To find that perfect gown.


There is a bounce in my walk,
Flair in what I talk.


The way this kitty looks at me,
I swear this baby is jealous of me.


Stars and moon the way the shine,
They tell me you are just mine.




I walked across the town,
To find that perfect gown....



My perception of the vivacious woman prior to an important date.

Obituary to me.....

He was a Case Jerk, GRUMPY and GLOOMY!! Mr. Porcupine that's what he was! NOW he is no more and now we realize how he made us laugh at times and was the person you needed in those times.
PRatik Sahu
Imperfect Son, Brother, Friend, Companion.
11.04.1985-XX.XX.20XX


An obituary for self that I wrote in some AD house copy writing test.

Childhood dream realized...

As a Kid I always used to dream of riding a dirt bike in a motocross event. Thanks #IndWhore for making me realize my childhood dream. Now can I not screw with my bike's shock-ups anymore and have decent roads??
PS I am not even asking for pollution as I know your domain.

Words of Wisdom

Now I know why dad said stick to calculus... figuring a girl ain't easy

A one too many...

Why you need words a one too many,
when the emotions can last for an Eternity...